Dating abuse is a complicated issue, especially for teens. It’s often difficult for teens to leave an abusive partner. Let’s discuss some of the reasons why a teen may stay in a violent dating relationship.

• There are many pressures in society to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
• The victim and abuser share the same group of friends. They are afraid they will lose friends or that friends will side with the abuser.
• The victim does not want to be alone. They feel it’s better to be with someone who abuses them than to be alone.
• Victims often do not talk about their abuse. They are ashamed of what is going on in the relationship.
• If the abuser is well-liked or popular, victims feel that no one would believe them or that everyone will take the abuser’s side.
• Many teens do not seek help. Even if they are being abused, teens are reluctant to talk to their parents.
• They may not have the support of their friends, who may not understand what is happening. Friends may pressure a victim to stay in an abusive relationship.
• Because teens lack dating experience, they often believe that jealousy and violence are signs of love. But physical abuse and jealousy are not love. Abuse is about having power and control, and abusers use different ways to control a relationship. Control is not love and is not part of a healthy and loving relationship.
• Victims may believe they are lucky to have a boyfriend or think they could not do any better.
• The victim believes they are at fault for the abuse. The abuser will say things that blame the victim for the abusive behavior: “You were talking to that guy, and I care about you so much it just made me mad.” “I wouldn’t have gotten angry and hit you if you weren’t talking and flirting with that guy.” “You were dressing up to get attention. You want someone else.” Abusers are responsible for their actions and behaviors. Abuse is not normal or your fault. No one deserves to be hurt or abused under any circumstances.
• When a victim tries to break off the relationship, the abuser threatens to hurt himself, the victim, pets, or others. If the abuser has threatened you or anyone else, talk to someone about the threats. It’s important to understand the seriousness of these statements, and you may be in danger. Call a Safe Journey counselor advocate to develop a safety plan before breaking up.
• Victims often do not understand the warning signs or red flags associated with dating abuse.
• Victims believe that abuse is normal. Teens who grow up in a home where there is family violence may see abuse as “normal” and think what is happening to them is OK.
• An abusive relationship damages the victim’s self-esteem. Emotional, verbal, and physical abuse can impact a victim’s sense of worth and make them believe whatever the abuser is telling them. Being in an abusive relationship is like being in a cult.
• Victims may be afraid of what will happen if they decide to leave the relationship.
• Victims who identify as LGBTQ fear being outed. Victims who have not come out may be afraid their partner will reveal their secret. Teens who are just beginning to explore their identity may stay in an abusive relationship so their identify is not exposed.
• Victims have a hard time admitting they are being abused.
• Victims are afraid their friends and family will judge them.
• Victims often stay in abusive relationships because they love the abuser. Victims believe an abuser will change if given enough love and support.
• Parents or adults believe teens in dating relationships are simply experiencing “puppy love” and can’t be that serious. Parents and adults often do not recognize the warning signs and red flags in teen dating relationships.