It’s hard to see your friend hurt others in a relationship. Sometimes it may be hard to see your friend’s behaviors as abusive. By remaining silent or making excuses for your friend, you are accepting and encouraging them to continue their hurtful ways.

Ultimately, the abuser is the only one who can change. But it’s important to know that you can do something. Educate yourself about the warning signs of dating abuse so you can help your friend recognize their unhealthy or abusive behaviors. Tell your friend that what they are doing is not OK.

You can talk to them about treating their partner in a healthy, nonviolent way – with respect, compassion, and dignity. Become familiar with the dynamics of a healthy relationship.

Those who abuse others do not see their behaviors as abusive and often blame the partner for their behaviors. They often will not admit that their violent behavior is their fault or accept responsibility for their actions. Your friend who abuses will try to justify their abuse. Do not support these feelings of justification or go along with their excuses. In the end, your abusive friend wants to control their partner and will do what it takes to keep that control.

It may be difficult to address your friend’s abusive relationship, but it is important to not support these abusive behaviors. Your goal is to help your friend have a healthy relationship. Help your abusive friend think about what they are doing to their partner. Have them think about what the victim is going through and the seriousness of what they are doing. Let your friend know that you cannot support these types of behaviors and that it is not OK.

By recognizing abusive behaviors that you see and hear, you can help things improve. By keeping silent, however, you are saying that these behaviors are not wrong. Even though you may not mean to, you could be helping your friend continue to abuse their partner — and you.

Support your friend’s positive changes. Let your friend know that these changes will help create a happier, healthier relationship for both partners.

Be an example by showing the healthy relationships in your own life.