Warning Signs

Warning Signs of Abuse in Teen Dating

Dating abuse is defined as the physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional violence within a dating relationship, including stalking. It can occur in person or electronically and might occur between a current or former dating partner. It happens any time one person uses a pattern of manipulative or controlling behaviors to get and keep power and control over another person.

There’s no use sugarcoating it. If you recognize any of these warning signs in relationships around you, including your own, they are red flags for abuse.

Hand with stop sign

Frequently accuses you of cheating or other things you didn’t do.
Blames others for their problems.
Gets serious too quickly, uses “I love you” way too soon.
Telling you what you are and are NOT “allowed” to do.
Believes they are superior to you. Does not take your opinions seriously or treat you like an equal.
Has unpredictable mood swings and you worry all the time about how they will react.
Are jealous and possessive, and frequently “checks up” on you.
Blames you when they mistreat you by saying you provoked them or you “pushed their buttons.”
You find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behavior.
They use guilt trips with phrases like “If you loved me you would….” Or “I just need you so much.”
Family and friends warn you about the person, or tell you they are worried about your safety.
They use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for being abusive or mean to you.
Scares you with threats to harm themselves, or even commit suicide.
Acts violently, or intimidates you with threats of physical harm to you or loved ones.
Always apologizes for abusive behavior. Promises to never do it again, but it keeps happening.
Monitors your cell phone and emails, or makes you have joint social media accounts with them.
Constantly belittles you and/or makes fun of you.
Works to subtly isolate you from family and friends.

Know the Red Flags

When you find yourself thinking…

“Did I do something wrong?” or “What did I do wrong now?”
“He texted 20 times while I was at cheer practice again. He must be really mad.”
“Why does she have to make fun of me in front of her friends?”
“I can’t stop to talk to any guys in the halls. He’ll say I’m flirting.”
“How can she possibly think I am cheating on her when she is with me 24/7?”
“I’m not allowed to wear that dress. Last time I wore it to school he said I looked like a slut.”
“I’ve got to remember not to laugh so much. She says it makes people think I’m stupid.”
“Should I post this picture on Instagram? She might yell at me ‘cuz she’s not in it.”
“Why does he have to get so mad about nothing/everything?”
“What is she doing here? I thought I would get a chance to hang with my friends for once.”
“I think I want to break up, but he always says he’ll kill himself if he has to live without me.”
“She pushes me until I show her all my texts. She says I shouldn’t have anything to hide.”
“Maybe I should quit yearbook. I love it, but he says I should want to be with him all the time.”
“My sister and I used to be so close. But he says she is jealous and is trying to break us up.”
“I didn’t get his permission to go to the game tonight. I hope he doesn’t get mad and hit me.”
“I don’t want to do some of the sexual things he makes me do, but he says I owe it to him since I did it before.”
“I hate it when he fake punches at me and then laughs when I get scared.”

Are You in a Healthy Relationship?

If you answer yes to two or more of the items below, it is likely that are in an abusive relationship, or your relationship is likely to become abusive.

Are you frightened of your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s temper? Are you afraid to disagree with him or her?
When you are treated badly, do you find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for the behavior of your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Have you been frightened by his or her violence toward others?
Have you been hit, kicked, or shoved, or had things thrown at you?
Do you avoid seeing friends or family because of his or her jealousy?
Have you been forced to have sex?
Have you been afraid to say no to sex?
Are you forced to justify everything you do, every place you go, and every person you see to avoid his or her temper?
Have you been wrongly and repeatedly accused of flirting or having sex with others?
Are you unable to go out, get a job, or go to school without his or her permission?
Have you become secretive, ashamed, or hostile to your parents because of this relationship?