Let’s Talk to a Friend

Talking to a friend about their relationship can be tough. Conversations about serious stuff, especially involving relationships and choices he or she has made, can ride the line between helpful and confrontational.

Nevertheless, encouraging words from a friend can be a wake-up call to victims of teen dating violence.

If you notice any warning signs in a friend’s relationship, use these suggestions to talk to them about it.

• Start the conversation by establishing tone. Make sure that your friend knows that you aren’t trying to confront them or blame them.  
• Use kind words and a soft voice. Make sure that they know that their safety is the No. 1 priority and that they are in charge of their own decisions.
• This conversation isn’t about forcing your friend to end their relationship. It’s about raising awareness to the red flags you’ve noticed.
  • “This is important.”
  • “I’ve noticed some things about your relationship with Brad. Can I talk to you real quick?”
• Be supportive by listening to your friend’s side of things.
• Ask questions. Let them know that they can talk to you and trust you.
• Establish that it is not their fault. Ask them what they need from you as a friend.

• • “I want you to be safe.”
  • “What do you need?”
  • “It’s not your fault.”
• Keep the door open for future conversations

After you bring the warning signs up to your friend, remain supportive.

Let them know that they can talk to you about it in the future. Let them know that you are there to help them make a safety plan if they decide to leave their relationship.

Keep door open: “I’m here if you need me.” “Thank you for trusting me.”

Get Help

If you still fear for your friend’s safety, it’s time to talk to a Safe Journey teen counselor advocate or another trusted adult.

(It’s probably better to go to an advocate, a teacher, or a guidance counselor over the friend’s parent. Your friend might feel like you’re going behind their back and ratting them out if that parent gets mad or upset. A good intro may be “Mrs. Brown, can I talk to you about something?”)